What she wants

I was sitting in a pub in Cornwall, reading Joe Dispenza’s book on becoming Supernatural and drinking cider (as you do). I found myself surrounded by locals and bikers (all men) who were sharing stories about their travels. The conversation shifted from funny adventures to insights about motor engines and then finally onto relationships. Somehow I got included in the conversation around then and one of the gentlemen looked at me and said “I”ve never worked out what women want from me, I always end up in the “dog box” after a few months.” Had it felt right to take the conversation into a deeper place that evening, I would have said this:

Your woman wants to be seen and known as the uniquely beautiful individual that she is. Not because she doesn’t know this for herself, but because there is magic and romance in being recognized by someone who loves you. Ask yourself “what makes her special, unique and beautiful in my eyes?” and then tell her. Find ways to give her the gift of being seen. This might be something as simple as noticing how full and sexy her lower lip might be, or when she looks especially pretty in a certain dress. Let her know that she is attractive to you, and let her know why. You might want to put more thought into how you approach giving her gifts as well. Most women don’t want flashy, expensive gifts with no thought behind them. They want gifts that come from the heart. For example, if she absolutely loves candles, Australia, business, horses, surfing, photography…whatever her “thing” is…notice that and gift her from there. She will feel seen and noticed and loved. 

Your woman wants to be surprised. Little thoughtful gifts here and there cost you nothing but the time it takes to create them. I’ll give you an example; I was recently staying with a dear friend of mine in England. She is 73 and lost her deeply loved and extremely romantic husband to cancer. Months after he died she was cleaning up their collection of antique pillboxes. They had traveled together for over 50 years, had 5 weddings (one every 10 years), two children and built an extremely successful business. They collected these beautiful porcelain pillboxes along the way. For some reason she opened one and it happened to have a note in it from him, it was placed there before he knew he was going die. The note told her how much he loved and valued her and how much he cherished the life they had had together. It probably took him all of 5 minutes to write and put into the little box. It has given her hours and hours of comfort and love since.

Your woman wants to be the beauty in your life and she wants you to tell her why. To this day my father calls my mother a “Sex Bitch”…in front of me and my brothers. My parents are in their mid 60’s and whilst it makes me a little uncomfortable, it’s also pretty fantastic isn’t it? She is the hottest thing on two legs for him and he’s not afraid to tell the world. It makes her giggle. He has also told me (in front of her, on numerous occasions) about the first night that they met and also that he hopes that reincarnation exists so that he can come back and be with her again and again and again and again. She is the beauty in his life and it’s sexy.

Your woman wants to be defended and fought for. I recently read an incredible book by John Eldridge called “Wild at Heart”. Eldridge speaks about A Beauty To Rescue and says “every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen”. He says that they question in every woman’s heart is “am I lovely?” and “Do I delight you?” and he also goes on to say that men need a beauty to rescue. He means to say that men thrive when they have a battle to overcome for the “fair maiden”. He gives a wonderful example of how his firstborn son was out playing baseball. His son was a very cautious player and had never managed to hit the ball particularly far. A cute young female friend of his was there to watch once day, she shouted out his name and waved at him and he smashed the next ball into kingdom come. I’ll bet his son loved that moment as much as she did. Fighting for her is a gift to both of you. You get to be her hero.

To make things a little more complex and if you’d like to dive in deeper, it may be helpful to consider that we all have different love languages. For example, you might think that because you are really working hard and bringing home big money that you ARE showing her that she is valuable to you and that you are fighting (the world) for her. But her love language might be time or touch, not money. You can click here to read more about love languages: http://www.5lovelanguages.com. It’s a great free tool which will enable you and your partner to understand each other better when it comes to the ways that you are expressing, receiving and wanting love. 

With love, Nix.

Nix Stephens