Presence and Presents

I was listening to a Podcast the other day and the teacher said, “What women truly want is presence.” My phone was playing from the next room and I heard this as “presents.” I laughed aloud and thought, “Ok…yeah why not?” And then he went on to elaborate and it became clear that he meant PRESENCE. My next thought was “but that’s not just women, that’s everyone.” The relationships that feel the most healthy and real to me are the ones in which both members truly show up for each other with love and FOCUS. It’s not just about being in the room, it’s about being truly interested in and engaged with the person in front of you. It’s about the person you love being interested in and truly engaged with you.

A friend of mine posted a sweet quote on Facebook, which said, “Love to a child is spelt TIME.” But once again, that’s not just the case for children is it? It is the case for all of us. Knowing that someone is there for you when you are in need and also knowing that they just enjoy being with you – that is presence and that feels like love. My clients and I speak a lot about self-love and deservedness. Self-love sounds like a lovely thing to everyone but not everyone is able to take the time to work out what it really feels and looks like to them. “I want to learn how to love myself more, but how do I do it exactly?” is the question that I often get. Self-love begins with taking the TIME to work out who you are and what you need. Being present to your authentic self and letting your truth be important. (If you struggle with this process, book a free consultation with me and we will get started together.)

From there you will start to realize, embody and understand that you deserve and are worthy of love from another/ others. That is also when you also start to notice who is saying, “I love you” but not actually being present to you and giving you their focus and time. Do you believe you are worthy of another person’s time and focus? If so, start to watch the way in which you interact with people. Are you truly engaged with them? Are they truly engaged with you? It’s a self-loving exercise.

I also had a laugh and a little think about presents. Giving and receiving actual gifts can be such an interesting exchange. When you give someone a gift it can be the opportunity to tell him or her what they mean to you. And of course, when someone gives you a gift they are telling you what you mean to him or her. Once again it comes down to time and focus. Did that person really think about getting something for you that they knew would delight you and make you feel special, noticed and focused upon? It’s an interesting one isn’t it? It doesn't have to be something expensive, it can be and there is nothing wrong with that. But it always means a great deal when a gift is something extremely thoughtful doesn't it?

Another self-loving exercise would be to have a little think about something you might do for yourself. A gift or an activity that would delight you. I don’t just mean “go for a massage or get your nails done” unless that is something that deeply delights you. I mean have a think about something that you could do for yourself that would really REALLY be a gift. What would delight your soul and leave you feeling inspired and satisfied?

There’s a lot of talk about self-love around and about and it’s a wonderful conversation but it’s not always very practical. I hope that this helps and gives you something to think about and act upon in your daily life.

With love,

Nix.

Nix@nixstephens.com