The Power of Intention

“In the Universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link.” Carlos Castaneda

As I sit here about to write to you I set an intention. My intention is to create something that is useful and of value. My intention is to work from the heart every single day and to be of the greatest possible service to you. I do this because it makes me feel joyful and inspired to do so. I intend to learn and write and create and share so much more next year. 

How about you?

Perhaps you are a fan of New Year’s Resolutions and like to get your fabulously crisp new leaves ready to turn over each year? Many of us like to see the end of one year and the start of another as a time to take stock and ownership of everything that has taken place – and then to set intentions for the year to come. Taking a moment to yourself to recount the year that has past and consider the year ahead and what you desire from it is such a gift to give yourself. I’d like to give you a little guidance on how you might set deeper and clearer intentions this year than ever before.

The core of the coaching process lies in clarification and commitment. Clarifying what it is that you most want and desire for your life, and then committing to it. I am sure you can imagine how tremendously valuable it can be to take the time to map out the course from here to wherever it is that you most want to get to? The end of a year and the beginning of another is the perfect time to do some refocusing and resetting with this in mind.

Here is what I invite you to do:

·      Lock down half an hour to yourself somewhere between Christmas and New Year.

·      Actually write it down in your schedule and commit to it in your heart. (The 31st of December is ideal)

·      You could plan to journal or simply use your phone – which ever feels most effective to you

·      Take a couple of deep breaths, come into the present moment, connect with yourself and settle your mind before you write.

Here are some suggested headings to write out:

My Hopes, Dreams, Wishes and Intentions for 2018

Health and Wellness:

This year I set the intention to…

In terms of my health and wellness I want to feel…

I plan to do this by...

Career and/or Creative Expression:

This year I set the intention to…

In terms of my career/ creative expression I wish to feel…

I plan to do this by…

Relationships:

This year I set the intention to…

In terms of my career/ creative expression I desire to feel…

I plan to do this by…

And so on.

(Other great headings include Travel Plans, Financial Goals, Self-Improvement Courses)

Write it all down. Get detailed and really clear about how you want to feel and how you plan on getting there. Another great thing to do is to send your completed list of intentions to a friend and ask him/ her for theirs. You could then gently hold each other accountable and crystallize the process for each other throughout the year.

“Friends are God’s way of apologizing for your family.” Wayne W. Dyer 

(I couldn't resist and know this is a relevant quote for many at this time of the year!)

If you feel like it would be of benefit to you to walk through this process with some support and guidance then please don’t hesitate to contact me. This is not about writing a list of New Year’s Resolutions – it’s about designing and shaping the coming year to reflect what you most want for yourself. If that sounds a little daunting, yet rather appealing, contact me for a free 30 minute consultation and we can do it together. 

I wish you interesting conversations, inspiring journeys and deep connections with loving, open-hearted people. I wish you happiness and joy and beauty but most of all I wish you all enormous love for the year ahead.

To you and your dreams!

With love,

Nix.

Just let it go...

One of the greatest skills we can develop as people who wish to live more empowered lives is the ability to observe our thoughts. We think hundreds of thousands of thoughts every day and most of them are automatic and unnoticed. This is not a process of rejecting thoughts or observing them and pretending that they are not there. It’s a case of noticing them with a sort of detached interest or curiosity. Sort of like “oh look, there’s a thought…now what is it saying exactly and is this thought/ belief working for me?”

Generally the first thoughts that become noticeable are the most painful ones - the reoccurring critical ones. I have come to see them as old acquaintances that are no longer helpful and probably never were. Like the primary school teacher with bad teeth who pointed you out in class and told you that your efforts were “disappointing” or that family member who was trying to be helpful but actually just caused decades worth of damage to your self-esteem. Not helpful and no longer welcome. That’s how I see those thoughts now.

The beauty of this process is layered. The first benefit that comes from learning to watch your thoughts (rather than be automatically absorbed in them) is that you start to become aware of that fact that you can choose to BELIEVE them or not. For example, if you are feeling anxious. You can start by trying to listen to the thoughts that are associated with the feeling of tightness and contraction in your body. Generally anxious thoughts can be reduced down to a belief in lack. A lack of time, money, safety, love or your own abilities for example. Try to identify the thought patterns. Perhaps you are saying something like “there just isn’t enough time”. Then ask yourself if that is really, deeply, true. Do you actually believe that or are you just on the “there is not enough time train”. If there genuinely is not enough time and someone is going to get seriously hurt then by all means, use the adrenalin and hustle! But I am willing to bet that 9 times out of 10 – everyone is going to be just fine and you can give yourself a break. Take a breath and choose to think differently.

Self-damaging thoughts such as “I’ll never be good enough” or “I don’t deserve to do what I really want to do” run deeper and can be slightly more difficult to pin down. Often these thoughts bring a sense of heaviness to the body and can even leave us feeling a little paralyzed. If you can identify these thoughts, try to work out where they came from. Who was it in your life that told you that you were not capable or deserving? Who was the first person or what was the first event that made you feel that way? If you can answer these questions then you would have taken a big step towards realizing that these thoughts or beliefs – whilst in your head – are not necessarily your own. The value in that is that it can lead you to question whether or not you actually believe the thoughts to be true or not.

This is the next benefit that comes from observing your thoughts. Once you have identified the thought and where it came from you can make a CHOICE. Ask yourself, “Do I choose to believe this as true or can I decide to think differently from now on?” The thoughts that were once automatic and damaging will start to take on a new and less powerful quality as a result. If you observe the thought and decide, “Yes, this is true and this is serving me” then that’s great. If you decide that the thoughts are not true and no longer serve you then you can begin the process of unraveling them or simply letting them go.

I do not mean to suggest that this is always a simple process. Core beliefs can take a lot of work to understand and uncover. However, once you begin to shine the light of awareness on your mind and see it as a tool rather than an authority - you begin to bring your fears into the light and out from the shadows. That’s where real, lasting and sustainable change for the better can begin.

I hope that this is helpful for you. If you feel like you would like some support with making changes in your life for the better, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

With love,

Nix.

Nix@nixstephens.com

Presence and Presents

I was listening to a Podcast the other day and the teacher said, “What women truly want is presence.” My phone was playing from the next room and I heard this as “presents.” I laughed aloud and thought, “Ok…yeah why not?” And then he went on to elaborate and it became clear that he meant PRESENCE. My next thought was “but that’s not just women, that’s everyone.” The relationships that feel the most healthy and real to me are the ones in which both members truly show up for each other with love and FOCUS. It’s not just about being in the room, it’s about being truly interested in and engaged with the person in front of you. It’s about the person you love being interested in and truly engaged with you.

A friend of mine posted a sweet quote on Facebook, which said, “Love to a child is spelt TIME.” But once again, that’s not just the case for children is it? It is the case for all of us. Knowing that someone is there for you when you are in need and also knowing that they just enjoy being with you – that is presence and that feels like love. My clients and I speak a lot about self-love and deservedness. Self-love sounds like a lovely thing to everyone but not everyone is able to take the time to work out what it really feels and looks like to them. “I want to learn how to love myself more, but how do I do it exactly?” is the question that I often get. Self-love begins with taking the TIME to work out who you are and what you need. Being present to your authentic self and letting your truth be important. (If you struggle with this process, book a free consultation with me and we will get started together.)

From there you will start to realize, embody and understand that you deserve and are worthy of love from another/ others. That is also when you also start to notice who is saying, “I love you” but not actually being present to you and giving you their focus and time. Do you believe you are worthy of another person’s time and focus? If so, start to watch the way in which you interact with people. Are you truly engaged with them? Are they truly engaged with you? It’s a self-loving exercise.

I also had a laugh and a little think about presents. Giving and receiving actual gifts can be such an interesting exchange. When you give someone a gift it can be the opportunity to tell him or her what they mean to you. And of course, when someone gives you a gift they are telling you what you mean to him or her. Once again it comes down to time and focus. Did that person really think about getting something for you that they knew would delight you and make you feel special, noticed and focused upon? It’s an interesting one isn’t it? It doesn't have to be something expensive, it can be and there is nothing wrong with that. But it always means a great deal when a gift is something extremely thoughtful doesn't it?

Another self-loving exercise would be to have a little think about something you might do for yourself. A gift or an activity that would delight you. I don’t just mean “go for a massage or get your nails done” unless that is something that deeply delights you. I mean have a think about something that you could do for yourself that would really REALLY be a gift. What would delight your soul and leave you feeling inspired and satisfied?

There’s a lot of talk about self-love around and about and it’s a wonderful conversation but it’s not always very practical. I hope that this helps and gives you something to think about and act upon in your daily life.

With love,

Nix.

Nix@nixstephens.com

Finding peace within big life changes

There is so much transition happening at the moment. I have so many friends, family members and clients who are experiencing painful transitions and big life changes. I myself have been challenged in new and deeper ways than I ever expected and as a result I have some suggestions for those of you who are struggling to find your centre in the storm.

Step One: Get still and really honest about whatever you are feeling and give the emotions the space that they need. (If you are in a deeply painful place it is a good idea to do this step with a friend or a coach – whichever feels more appropriate to you)

Our natural inclination can be to run from or numb our uncomfortable feelings. That’s also fine for a while but I think we all know it won’t get us anywhere great long term. Discomfort and big changes walk hand in hand. Change by its very nature is taking us out of our comfort zones so it’s only natural that big changes should bring up some unease. Sit with that. Literally. Go to your meditation cushion/ couch/ playground swing and just BE with whatever feelings you have. Observe the feelings and emotions. Be with them. If pain comes, let it come. If anger comes, let it come. (I have bashed the hell out of a couple of pillows in my time). If booming realizations come, wonderful, just go with it. You have to feel it all to pass through it and you will pass through it, I promise.

Step Two: Move your body. The mental and emotional challenges involved with big changes in our lives can be so charged and depleting. I have found that a walk in nature ALWAYS helps me reset myself and many of my clients have said the same. Not once have I gone for a walk somewhere pretty and come back home worse for it. I like to listen to gentle or uplifting music on my phone while I walk. Nature heals me. Oxygen heals and recharges us. Give your body the chance to release the mental confusion and emotional chatter physically. Choose a form of exercise or activity that you love and give it everything you have got. Then see how you feel afterwards and let me know.

Step Three: Get totally honest and grounded about what you need and express that to others. We are not built to suffer in silence and we need other people. You don’t have to be perfect and it is completely understandable that you might need to just be a mess for a while and not KNOW what you need right away. But when you can identify what would help and support you – ask for it. You might find that you need something different from every person in your life. One friend might be there for you to take your kids for an afternoon while you have a damned good cry. A family member might be able to do your online grocery shopping. A close colleague might give great hugs or be able to bring you your favourite coffee at just the right time. Try to work out what you need and just tell them. You deserve to have your needs met – especially in a difficult time and you will be surprised by how wonderful and willing people can be.

I wish you love and enormous light. If you have read all the way through this post then you have either recently been through a particularly tough time or are going through one right now. My thoughts are with you and I am here if you’d like someone to speak to.

Love, Nix.

nix@nixstephens.com

Exercise v/s Inspired Movement:

About a year ago a red-faced and rather sweaty woman told me that she went for the “most punishing gym session”. She told me with a satisfied smile I guess, but it got me thinking about the language we use to describe exercise. We seem to have this idea that food can be “naughty” and that exercise can be “punishment”. I decided to have a think about that and work out how I felt about MY food and MY exercise.

I knew that I wanted to tone up and get strong again after my second daughter was born. I remember glamorously climbing the stairs with a small basket of laundry and finding myself completely out of breath at the top. We only have one set of stairs! I was carting 18kg of extra body weight around and I had not been for so much as a fast walk in years. I wanted to get strong but I didn’t want to exercise. Just the idea of getting into the clothes required to exercise scared me and felt so unfamiliar. But, I knew it was time. Time to use the gym membership I had owned for three years and barely used.

Another friend of mine had discovered how much her workouts improved when she listened to great music and suggested to me that I do the same. I realized that my gym had wi-fi and instead of just listening to music, I watched You Tube! I got on the elliptical walker and I watched the most inspiring videos I could find. Inspiring people are like fuel for me. I can’t get enough of the Wayne Dyers and Gabrielle Bernsteins of the world. I found that I hardly noticed I was exercising and didn’t want to stop! For some of you you might prefer to watch your favourite TV show or a fascinating documentary.

The point is – the time at the gym became my time to connect with and enjoy myself. Not only was I working my body, but also my mind. I left that elliptical walker every day with endorphins flowing as well as ideas. It sounds so simple but using You Tube to deliver me more than a workout has led to what I call “layering” in my Coaching Practice. It’s not enough to want to exercise to lose weight. We need more than that to stay inspired and for the workout routine to become a desired part of every possible day. We need our exercise time to become a “non-negotiable” and need it like we need our morning coffee or hugs from our loved ones. I believe the way to do that is by layering your exercise with things that you love.

Perhaps you love to dance or maybe swimming is what makes you feel the most powerful and free? Think about what you loved to do as a child. Did you love team sports perhaps? Maybe you were a great tennis or squash player back in the day and remember it being an excellent workout AND a good laugh. If you love the social aspect of sports, make your exercise social! A client of mine loves to dance but she has two small children and doesn’t feel ready to leave the house without them. I suggested she dance with them and introduce them to her favourite music. She did it and they all had a blast! Bring love into your workouts and I am willing to bet you’ll be inspired to make movement a regular part of your life.

I have lost the extra body weight now and have actually stopped going to the gym completely. I realized that for the time being I am tired of taking in information for an hour or two on the walker and in the weights room. I LOVE being strong and toned though so I created a workout I can do at home in half an hour. I do some very intensive strengthening and toning exercises and follow it up with 10 minutes of deep yoga stretching and end with 10 minutes of silent meditation. When I get tired of being inside I go for a long walk in nature and listen to beautiful relaxing music instead. This is what works for me right now. Work out what you love to do and engage with your body in that way. Layer your movement with music or entertainment that you love. The next thing you know you might find yourself deeply enjoying your exercise time and unable to consider the idea of “punishing” your amazing body ever again.

My own detox journey and I why I had to reinvent the process…

When most people think of detoxing they think of a period of deprivation in order to gain greater health. My detox story is nothing like that. I am an absolute self-deprivation failure. If I try to remove anything I enjoy from my diet, I am quickly throw out of whack and end up feeling ill or binging on the food I was trying to ignore or worse. I have no self-discipline at all and I require instant gratification in most delicious food situations. On top of that I am South African and so was brought up to consider wine to be one of the major food groups. I genuinely didn’t want to drink wine during my second pregnancy and my father actually lectured me about it. He told me this great story about a French couple that was on holiday sort of parallel to my parents many years ago. “One day they were sitting in the restaurant drinking wine. She had a bump. The next day they were sitting in the restaurant drinking wine and she had a baby.” Isn’t that a happy story?

My greatest detox nemesis however is chocolate. Give me a chocolate coconut truffle and I am anyone's. I come from a long line of chocoholics. Us Murray/ Simmonds/ Stephens women have softened life's edges with chocolaty sweet smoothness for generations. However, I am happy to say, it ends with me. Not the chocolate exactly. The great news there is that chocolate in its purest form is actually a superfood. Amen to that. But the unconscious binge eating of sugar laden treats in order to feel that 'party in the mouth' short lived high. That ends with me. Or at least I really hope so. My own particular brand of “detox” is one that has encompassed the gradual, honest, gentle release of less than healthful substances as and when I was ready to let go of them.

Sometimes you have to look back to where you started in order to see how far you have come. I used to drink about ¾ of a bottle of cheap wine PER NIGHT, often accompanied by half a box of cigarettes and possibly a bag of chips or box of chocolates. Very Bridget Jones. Now I have the occasional glass of really good wine at home on the weekends and I only eat quality chocolate. That’s a beautiful detox story I think. I used to eat meat daily and mindlessly because someone else cooked it and because I couldn’t be bothered to make something else for myself or cope with the questions that my not eating it would raise. Now I only eat meat if I really really need it and then I make sure it is of great quality. I think that’s detoxing.

I say to my clients often that the place to start when it comes to detoxing is with your senses. If you truly focus on what you are doing when it comes to the substances you ingest, it’ll only be a matter of time before you start to gently drop the “bad” stuff and welcome in more “good”. For example, I love the smell of coffee. It lights up my days and puts a bounce in my step to smell it. I cannot drink it. I try to drink it and I certainly have drunk a lot of it, but if I am genuinely tuned into the experience of ‘Nix ingesting coffee’, there is no denying the negative effects it has on me. I start to shake, I feel off balance, my blood sugar levels make me feel weak and confuse my stomach. I get gastritis and it's just not very pleasant. 

A wonderful author by the name of David R. Hawkins wrote that, “wisdom is doing that which makes us stronger.” Don’t you just love the simplicity of that? Coffee makes me weak. Drinking it is dumb.

Easy.

Well, not so easy. First of all we all have our reasons for wanting and craving those less than healthful substances. Secondly, there is “science” out there to back up every dietary claim if you want it. According to science, coffee or anything else could be good or bad for me. Luckily I ignored it all because most of it suggested I had to deprive myself of something that I wanted. Instead of following any diet fads or believing scientific claims, I have slowly but surely learnt to listen to my body and nourish it how it wants and needs to be nourished. I have “Crowded Out” the less than healthful substances with healthier options. It’s so liberating and I want that for every person I meet who wants to “detox” or shift to a more healthful diet. I notice what I eat and I only eat what I love.

When it comes to the bits and pieces I still indulge in despite my “inner knowing” that it might not be best for me. The 4th chocolate truffle in a row that finds it’s way into my mouth for example…well, I see myself as a work in progress. I mostly eat a vegetarian diet comprised of lot of raw fruit and vegetables. I do it because it works for me. Since I started listening to my body and giving it what it wants I have lost 10 kilograms, I exercise four times a week (and love it), I sleep better, I worry less and I feel more happiness within myself than I ever have before. That’s detoxing. My definition of detoxing is moving into a state of optimal health directed by your body’s inherent and unique knowledge of what it requires.

How about you? What do you think detoxing is and where are you in the journey? Are you stuck and needing some help with finally shifting the weight or letting go of what you KNOW is not good for you? If so, I’d love to support you in anyway I can towards living the most healthful life you can imagine. I give private coaching sessions and the first introductory session is free so that you can determine whether or not this process is right for you. Get in touch! Your personal detox program is waiting for you.

With love, Nix.

 

The Highest Version of Yourself

 

In my Vlog today I discussed an exercise that I do with my clients. I call it "Envisioning the Highest Version of Yourself". The process has been broken down into three simple steps and the desired outcome is a clearer idea of who it is that you most want to become and what your life would look like as her. Click here for the Vlog.

Step One: Choose a name. Call this extraordinarily fantastic version of yourself something. Pick a name that makes you feel grounded, strong and excited. 

Step Two: Identify the three main aspects or areas of your life that you would like to focus and work on first. Do you want to make some real changes in your social life, finances, physical appearance, relationships? Identify your top three priorities and write them down. Then for each aspect list 5 things about "her" that you aspire to. 

For example if you want to be more active and take better care of your body:

Aspect One - Physical Exercise

1."Your Highest Version's name" does yoga three times a week and feels strong and toned

2. "Your Highest Version's name" goes for long walks in nature twice a week so she can disconnect from mobile technology and give herself some space

And so on as you list 5 things that "she" does, is, has and feels. 

Try to really crystalize her in your mind and describe her in detail as you go through this step.

Step Three:

Allow for the possibility that you can become her. Allow for the possibility that you deserve to be her and that if you slowly shift your focus to becoming her - you can and will. It takes focus and small manageable steps to get from A (where you are) to Z (where you want to be). That's all. 

If you get stuck at any stage of this exercise, please feel free to contact me as I'd love to support you. If you don't get stuck and have a positive experience with this exercise please drop me a line about that too! I'd love to hear from you. 

Enjoy the process of designing your life.

Love, Nix.

 

 

 

My Mama Says...

I had a little FB messenger exchange with my Mom this morning and it made me laugh. How amazing is she? She has been eating a Banting (Paleo) diet for the past 3+ years and used to suffer from pretty debilitating migraines. She now had the following to say:

"I have never felt so well, strong, slim and happy. No headaches, in fact if I get a headache (usually from eating out and being affected by something in the sauce), I squeeze a whole fresh lemon into a cup, add 1 tsp (more if the pain is bad) of Himalayan Salt, hot water and drink it. After an hour or so, I am back to normal. Wish I'd known this long ago.

Also, when I wake up, I immediately do some bed yoga stretches, especially for my back. Then a few sun salutations and breathing. Takes about 5-10 minutes. Next, I wash my face with cold water, dry it and put a bit of coconut oil on my hands, rub hard and spread it on my arms and face - it is amazing - I really recommend it if you aren't doing it already. "

She also has a Banting Facebook page with over 6000 likes! You can join it here:

https://www.facebook.com/colleenpsimmonds/?hc_ref=SEARCH&fref=nf

Personally I am not for or against Banting/ Paleo diets. If it works for you then that is fantastic. I know I need some carbohydrates because without a little rice and some bread I feel out of balance. I tried to eat a Paleo diet for 7 days last week and by day 3 I felt ill and exhausted. Every single one of us has different nutritional needs and even those will change from month to month and year to year. The process of discovering your best health and most balanced way of eating can be a truly fun, gentle and enlightening experience.

I'd love to hear from you about your experiences with Paleo/ Banting or any other diet experimentation that worked for you. Feel free to send me an email at nix@nixstephens.com.

Have a gorgeous day!
Love, Nix.

Your Unique Expression

I heard something the other day on one of my favourite You Tube channels. The person said something like; you do not have to worry about making an impact in the world. Simply by being here, you make an impact. Your enthusiastic creative expressions are how you EXPRESS that impact. 

I loved this so much because what they were saying is that simply by living and breathing, we already make an impact on the world. That's already done so us overachievers can just all relax! And from there we can realize that our unique creative endeavors simply express that impact and that makes it fun to do rather than essential.

I liked the idea that we make an impact on the world simply by being here so much because it helped me relax. It gave me a BREAK from the pressure I put on myself to always be the best and brightest version of myself that I can be. It also encouraged me to think about what the unique expressions of my own impact might be. Intuitively I feel that we are all here to do OUR WORK and that that requires doing what we love. A lot of people however are not 100% sure about what they would love to do and thus do not know what their unique expressions might be. And once they have identified what they might want to be doing more of...they don't know where or how to actually start doing it. This is where I want to help.

A really good place to start when trying to work out how to give a voice to your Unique Expression is to start with what turns you on and excites you. Here are a few great questions to ask yourself. (I have included my own answers in brackets for your interest.)

1. When I was a child, what did I want to be when I grew up? Why?

(A mermaid. Because I wanted to swim in the ocean and play with dolphins and whales all day. I'd have long mermaid hair and sing like a Siren.)

2. Who was my role model in High School? Why?

(Tori Amos and Ani Di Franco. Because they were/are both women who took on their industry in their own ways and expressed their unique genius fearlessly.)

3. Who do I believe to be (or have been) the greatest leader on the planet? Why?

(Nelson Mandela. Because after his time in jail he only ever chose the paths of love, compassion and understanding. I strive to do the same and I need to express that in order to feel fulfilled.)

4. What can you imagine regretting most that you did not do once on your deathbed? Why?

(This is a reasonably long list for me! The good news is that I know I am working on most of it day by day now.)

When you were a child you had a much better sense of your potential and very little notion of limitation and "lack beliefs". Listen to the 6 year old you, he/she knew stuff about your deepest YOU that you might have forgotten a little. 

In High School most of us looked outward to others for guidance and direction (and then rebelled against it if it didn't fit). The role models we stuck with at that time in our lives gave us a sense of who we truly wanted to be and we were moved by them because we recognised aspects of ourselves within them. The way they live their lives and express themselves uniquely can tell us about ourselves and the qualities we wish to express.

I suggest working out who you feel is the world's great leader for similar reasons to the above. The people we respect and admire most tell us about ourselves and what we wish to be expressing in order to feel fulfilled and in alignment with our greatest selves. 

I don't particularly enjoy thinking about what I would regret never having done, but it is an effective tool. I found that I was able to name the things I would regret never having done VERY quickly. Try it...

Answering these four questions should give you a clearer idea of what excites you and what you might need to be doing in order to feel like you are expressing your unique talents in the world. Living your life, your way, to the full. Some people might strive to live out their days from one calm moment to the next, others might need wild excitement. Each of these ways of living is perfectly reasonable provided YOU feel fulfilled and enthusiastic about what fills your days. 

It's YOUR life, only you get to decide how to spend it. You really are completely free to do whatever it is that excites you. Doing what you love does not necessarily require huge dramatic changes. There are hundreds of beautiful ways to integrate what excites you into your life right now. If you did the exercise above and feel stuck in any way, write to me and I will help you to identify ways to express yourself uniquely on a day to day basis. I look forward to hearing from you!

Love, Nix. 

nix@nixstephens.com

 

 

Limitless Beliefs.

At the moment I am working though a book called The Conquer Kit which is a manual of sorts complied by Natalie MacNeil for female entrepreneurs. Very much at the start of the manual she asks us to name our "dragons". Dragons are the name she gives to our limiting beliefs and it is her intention for us to first name them, and then to slay them. The idea behind it all is that our thoughts and words have great power and that in the process of identifying them, observing them and accessing their truth, we might be able to transmute them into something else more positive and expansive. It has been a surprisingly simple process for me. Identifying my core limited beliefs took minutes. She gives us a page for the five top ones and I had no issue scribbling them down quickly. This made it very clear to me that the core beliefs I have are always at the forefront of my mind influencing my actions and decisions. 

The next step in the process is "seeing through it" all. Here we are asked to write down each limiting belief and ask ourselves how the belief is affecting our lives and how that makes us feel. Through simply doing this I saw that the beliefs were not doing me any favours and that it would certainly be more helpful to choose new ones. Most importantly, through the process of writing them down and assessing their impact - I was able to see that I no longer believed in them completely anyway. This then allowed me to transform the limited beliefs into limitless beliefs.

After that we are asked to write down the limited belief and follow each with a limitless belief which then becomes a new affirmation. Natalie suggests that we write the limitless beliefs on sticky notes paste them in prominent places. She says this, "But before you get out the sticky notes, I want to say one important thing about creating affirmations: You have to actually believe them. If you don't quite believe the statements you're writing, change them to something you do feel aligned with."

For example, if you don't believe that it is possible for you to change your career and be a success doing what you love, create an affirmation which states: "I am open to the possibility that I can be successful and do work that I love." Just being open to the possibility is a powerful place to start. My Wellness Coaching mantra is "Small, manageable changes" and I feel it applies nicely here. Lasting change takes time, and that is just fine. Start with what feels truthful and that in itself will lay the foundation for great changes. 

The best way to integrate these ideas would be to try it for yourself. Here are the questions to ask yourself:

1. What dragons are you currently battling? (Or, "what do I believe is holding me back from the changes I wish to make?)

2. How does this belief affect my life?

3. And then what happens because I believe this?

4. And how does that make me feel?

This illustrates how a limited belief can have the power to hold you back. 

Now take the limited belief and write a limitless belief that you align with below it.

For example:

Limited Belief: I am never going to be able to lose the weight that I want to. No diet or programme ever works for me. I have been carrying it for years and I should just give up now. 

Limitless Belief: It is completely possible that the right way for me to move and nourish my body exists and that I will find it. 

Natalie also suggests meditating to get into the flow before doing this exercise and I completely agree. Clearing the mind and calming down before undertaking this activity can only help with the process. I found it very interesting as well to sit with the feeling that each limited belief brought up for me, and then to sit with the feeling that the limitless belief brought up. I found that the limited beliefs caused a tightness and hardening in my solar plexus area and made me feel down in general. But then when I said the limitless beliefs out loud I felt an expansive lightening and a new and resolved sense of strength come through. The power of our words and the stories we tell ourselves is enormous. How wonderful to discover that we also have the power to change those beliefs and change our lives for the better as a result. 

My wish for you is that your newly discovered limitless beliefs might carry you forward into lives bigger and brighter than you previously thought possible. If you would like to write to me and tell me about your experiences with limited and limiting beliefs, I would love to hear from you!

Love, Nix. 

nix@nixstephens.com